Friday, March 4, 2011

Noticing a Deviation

It's interesting how little thought some of the most average individuals put forth in their day-to-day lifestyle.
This became extremely aware to me around late 2004. Since then, my realization that some of us aren't like the others rose exponentially, followed by a dramatic plateau of the resultant state. Ah, what it was to not think about every aspect of my being, sober, for more than mere fractions of a second. It seems a curse, no, a blessing, to not be one of the aimless walkers, the poor babblers, the unintelligent shoppers, the.. druggies. Yet, however, plagued I am with the active brain, seeking only a moment of silence. I notice the footsteps of a stranger (why does he walk with a limp?). I notice the slight glance of an onlooker (isn't she too far away to notice me?). I act instantly upon subtle social interactions (do they really want me to know what I know?). I view my own conscious thoughts as frequently as they come. Is no one as able to determine the condition of their current atmosphere as diligently as I? You know I'm coming on my bike, it squeaks, yet you do not move? Why? Is your reaction time so disintegrated by what you do alone that everything else is bleak? 
The overwhelming urge to pass off such things as nonsense is blocked by an unknown force that possesses me into analysis. Putting this into words only relinquishes that which I've held back from the world.


  1. "consciousness is a disease" - Notes From Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky.